Quiet Love

In the shadow of warnings

Reminiscent of the Cold War

And hate crimes

That parade the ignorance and small-mindedness

Found in our world today,

My heart quietly

Hopes for a better future

As it embarks upon

The next phase

As part of a lifelong

Loving partnership.




How not to fall into the cookie cutter trap: Planning our wedding our way

My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years, Michael, proposed to me last Christmas morning. I said yes, accepted a beautiful engagement ring, and started planning in late January.

People ask us questions about the wedding all the time these days: What are your wedding colors? Are you having a bachelorette party? Are you going to have an emcee, DJ, or band? What will your song be?

These are questions that have nothing to do with our wedding. I don’t blame people for asking us these things though; the wedding industry has shaped how Americans think a wedding should be. People have their own expectations.

Questions that do relate to our wedding include: How many cities are you visiting during your trip? Is it ok if I come to more than one celebration? What is your actual wedding date?

We’re going to have a small, private ceremony somewhere on the beach with just our parents, and going out to dinner later that evening. The following day, we’re throwing a big picnic for family, friends, and coworkers in a large park on scenic windward Oahu, complete with a tent if the weather shouldn’t cooperate and caterers serving a big buffet. Later that week, Michael and I depart on a month-long trip that includes ten days in South Africa (that’s our honeymoon), as well as stops in 4 cities in the mainland US and London to see friends and family and take them out for fancy dinners.

We decided early on in our process to focus on what we value for our wedding. We are only including what we want– a focus on delicious food! We will not need a fancy DJ or things in certain ‘colors’. Saving in some areas will enable us to celebrate in many more cities during our epic trip. Keeping it simple for us has meant drawing a line and making sure we stick to our guns.

Stay tuned for future blog posts about:

  • Selecting an affordable venue in Hawaii
  • Budgeting and matching your budget to your priorities
  • Managing others’ expectations for your wedding

If you have specific questions about our wedding planning process, leave a comment down below!

Me and Michael on Kailua Beach, Oahu

Freebie: Monthly Budget spreadsheet

I’m sharing my monthly budget spreadsheet. See below for a link!

Budget Spreadsheet Screenshot

How to use this spreadsheet:

  1. Download a copy so you have it on your own computer. Copy the blank spreadsheet so you have a blank one for the next month. Fill in the month and year on the tab at the bottom, as well as on the top row.
  2. Add your take home pay for the month in the light orange box at the top where it says ‘total incoming’.
  3. The boxes in Row C are labeled according to when I pay them during the month– the first few white boxes are paid early, the middle multi-colored boxes accrue throughout the month, and the last white boxes are paid toward the end of the month. You can change these categories to reflect your own budget needs: change mortgage/HOA to rent. If you have renters insurance or debt payments, add those in.
  4. The boxes without a zero in them can be filled in with the amounts you pay each month. For me, life insurance is $125. Fill in everything you know.
  5. The blue non-monthly savings boxes are a way to save up for expenses that only come around once a year or a few times a year. These categories can be changes to reflect your needs– birthdays, club dues, medical check up costs. How much do you expect you’ll need over the course of a year to cover each of those? Fill in that amount. For me, I try to set aside $400 by Christmas time for presents. It costs $90 each time we bring a cat for their annual checkup. As you fill in these boxes, the annual total and the monthly contribution to reach that goal will automatically update. The monthly contribution is what you should save each month to meet that annual goal.
  6. The boxes that have zeroes in them are linked to the corresponding colors in other boxes: Blue non-monthly savings are linked to those blue boxes, yellow essentials are linked to the yellow boxes below. As you fill in the light yellow, purple, and green boxes at the bottom throughout the month, the total will automatically total it up. The bottom blue boxes for ‘non-monthly expenses’ are for when you spend money in one of your non-monthly categories in that month. This might not happen each month, and it will remain zero. That will subtract from the monthly contribution you would have made to that non-monthly total, and ensure you have enough money to cover those expenses.
  7. The light orange ‘total outgoing’ at the bottom will automatically update as well, and the darker orange box will show you your potential ‘savings’, or leftover money that you will have at the end of the month. You can use that as a buffer in your account, or devote it to a savings goal, to paying off debt, or to treat yourself.

Free Monthly Budget Spreadsheet

Any questions? Ask in the comments below and I’ll try to answer them. Good luck, and happy budgeting!

Letting Go is the Way to Go

It’s been years since I went SCUBA diving. Back when I got certified, I purchased some quality equipment and went on some amazing dives off the coast of the Big Island of Hawaii. It was very cool, exhilarating even, but I always felt as though I was defying the laws of nature by being fifty feet below the surface of the ocean.

The author pretending to be a space explorer with ray gun (flashlight), being photobombed by a manta ray (Kona coast, Big Island of Hawaii)

So my wetsuit has moved with me as I go, hung in my closet in three different apartments over the years.  Why did I keep the wetsuit for so long? It was an investment that I made long ago, so I wanted to ‘get my money’s worth’. People have a hard time letting go, but once they do it’s a relief.  See this article for more on this phenomenon: https://www.headspace.com/blog/2017/06/16/cutting-losses/ Once I came to grips with reality– that I’m not a regular SCUBA diver anymore, and if I ever wanted to go diving again, I could just rent a suit on that occasion– I wanted to pass it onto someone who could use it.

I posted my wetsuit on craigslist and have kept relisting it as the ad expires, every couple months. I’d reduce my asking price to try to entice a buyer. Finally, it worked out last night and a woman purchased my wetsuit. I feel great. My closet isn’t housing something I never use, and it can go with her on exciting dives in Hawaii! I may have only gotten back a fraction of the amount I paid for the suit, but I no longer have the obligation to keep it, which is a great, light feeling.

Do you keep things just because you feel like you should? Have you gotten rid of anything recently– how did you feel?


Courage and Caffeine


I used to take pride in not being dependent on any substance. I never smoked at all, or drank alcohol or caffeine regularly.  I pitied those who became dependent on alcohol to have a good time, or caffeine to be productive.

Fast forward past college, living abroad for a number of years, grad school and nearly 5 years working in my field as a professional. Since starting my full-time job, I drink a cup of coffee more or less every morning. The days when I don’t drink coffee are few and far between, and when I don’t drink it, I miss it.

In part, it’s my routine when I arrive at the office and prepare a cup of hot, fragrant coffee.  I enjoy it as I sort my emails and get my papers in order to tackle my to-do list for the day. Or I step out after checking my email and get some Starbucks coffee from down the street. I enjoy walking with coworkers and catching up during this short excursion.

I like how the caffeine in coffee boosts both my productivity and seemingly, my optimism early in the morning. After my cup of coffee, I can do anything. I can do everything. And I can do it well, early, and under budget. I am invincible and amazing. At least, that’s how I feel with the drug flowing through my veins.

And let’s be real: caffeine is a drug. It is not harmless. Wikipedia has the following to say about it:

“Caffeine is a central nervous system (CNS) stimulant of the methylxanthine class.[10] It is the world’s most widely consumed psychoactive drug. Unlike many other psychoactive substances, it is legal and unregulated in nearly all parts of the world.”  (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caffeine)

Despite its wide usage and popularity, caffeine is still a drug that people use to support their productivity and lifestyles. For me, it’s now a big part of my morning routine both at work and at home.

Do you drink coffee? Does it make you more productive? Are you addicted?


Budget Update (June 2017)


Long time, no blog!  It’s been a while since I posted on my blog, but I wanted to let you know that the system I put in place at the beginning of the year is working well!

I wanted to be one month ahead in all my bills– that is, the paychecks I earn in June will cover all my expenses for July.  Last year, I was still allocating a certain amount to cover a range of non-monthly expenses (such as Christmas gifts and club dues that are only paid twice a year), but I didn’t physically move that money into another account as savings.  It just stayed in my main account and theoretically I’d have enough in there to cover any non-monthly expense that popped up.  The trouble was, these expenses aren’t all on the same schedule, and paying for my professional certification maintenance or cat’s medical expenses wouldn’t happen all at the end of the calendar year, so it wasn’t certain that I’d have enough saved when each of them needed to be paid.

So, starting after Christmas I would transfer that amount, along with regular savings toward an emergency fund, into a separate account.  The money in that savings account is for both non-monthly expenses as well as emergencies.  Currently, that account has enough money to cover three months’ worth of my regular living expenses (not counting any personal savings contributions, but still including life insurance and retirement contributions).

This month we’ve got one cat’s annual checkup and vaccine booster, and we need to stock up on the monthly drops we put on our two cats so they don’t get fleas/ear mites/other nasty bugs.  So if that amount is more than my monthly contribution to the non-monthly expenses (which is $107), then I’ll transfer the difference from my savings account back into my regular account to cover it.  This system of being one month ahead on bills, and non-monthly expenses transferred to a separate account so they don’t comingle with my regular balance, makes a lot of sense for me!

How is your budget working out for you? Let me know if you have any questions about budgeting in the comments below and I’ll be glad to chime in! 😀

Personal Budget 2.0

I posted a Youtube video a while back which outlined how I budget.

Since then, I realized that the assumptions I was making in executing my budget weren’t working for me.  The ‘non-monthly’ expenses that I saved for each month weren’t all on the same schedule, and I wasn’t actually moving the money each month into a dedicated place for those expenses.  Theoretically, after a year the non-monthly expenses such as credit card fees ($89) and membership dues for Toastmasters ($80) and a professional certification ($400+) would be covered by the money in my main account.  In actuality, it wasn’t that easy to track or ensure I’d have enough in the main account to cover each non-monthly expense when it would pop up.

So I decided to include the non-monthly expense total each month (now $107) as a transfer to a separate account that I make each month.  Then, when one of those expenses comes along, I can transfer the needed amount back into my main account from my savings.

That’s another thing worth mentioning– I used to have two separate accounts, one for emergencies and one for travel.  After we returned from our big trip to Europe last year, I wanted to simplify my finances and decided to close one of the accounts and just have one general savings account.  Emergency funds, money available for using to cover non-monthly expenses, and money to devote to travel are all co-mingled in that one account.  My goal is to maintain a hefty, healthy balance and pad it whenever possible.

In order to ensure my financial peace of mind, I decided to use what I had in my old emergency fund to pay off bills and expenses one month early.  Then I started building up my savings again, but this time it was with actual money that can be saved, not money that could have paid off my credit card expenses for the month.  I never carry a balance on my credit cards, but this way, each paycheck is devoted partly to paying off the next month’s expenses, partly to savings.  Being a month ahead gives me assurance that I’ll have enough in my main account to cover everything.